


Our Kind Of Intimate

by donnarafiki



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Harry Potter, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, but not like super cheesy it still H and D we're talking about, giant blankets, they still banted a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 01:03:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14201661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donnarafiki/pseuds/donnarafiki
Summary: “Hey.” A kind word and elegant finger made Harry look up. “What’s the matter?”“Nothing.” Harry shook his head, ridding himself of the finger on his chin. “Just… No, it doesn’t matter.”Or rather it did. But how could he tell Draco he didn't want sex with him, or anyone else for that matter, without breaking them up? Wasn't it just better to shut up and pretend to be normal? Would Draco ever understand?





	Our Kind Of Intimate

“Harry?”

“Yes?” Harry froze mid-movement at the mention of his given name. He still loved the sound of it, after so many years of just being called _boy_.

The blonde man in his lap turned his head, almost pulling the blonde locks from Harry’s fingers. Almost, but not quite. Draco’s hair nearly reached his bum these days, he was going to have to try harder if he wanted to get it away from Harry.

“Do you have a thing for me, or for my hair?” Draco arched a single sharp eyebrow it, to mask the sincerity behind his question. “Because you seem to touch it more than me.”

“I-, uh…” Harry’s brain suffered from a bit of a short cut after that question. Of course he had a thing for _Draco_ , not just his hair. That was obvious, right? But judging by the growing insecurity in his lover’s eyes, it was not.

And his insecurity was growing, because Harry still hadn’t answered. He gave himself a mental slap in the face, and dropped Draco’s blonde locks.

“For you, of course.” He leaned forward and pressed a light kiss on Draco’s lips. “Why would you doubt that?”

“I just said. You seem to touch my hair more than you touch me.” Draco gave him a sharp look, which made Harry slightly uncomfortable. Because it was sort of true; He _did_ touch Draco’s hair more than the man himself. At first because he’d wanted to take things slow, but now, three months later, it was more because he wanted to _keep_ things slow.

The high sex drive and _oh my god I can’t keep my hands off you_ feeling new couples had, just never came to Harry. It wasn’t that he was repulsed by the idea of sex, but he felt like it maybe once a month, and even then it wasn’t a big surge of lust. Just a light craving.

That was why he’d kept his ministrations mostly limited to Draco’s hair; It didn’t feel like possible foreplay when he touched it. That, and it was just really soft and nice, and a confirmation that Draco trusted him now.

But trust or not, his lack of sex-drive would probably still be a deal breaker if he spoke up about it. Torn, he bit his lip and averted his eyes. The idea of doing stuff he didn’t want made his stomach twist in knots, but the idea of losing Draco was worse.

“Hey.” A kind word and elegant finger made Harry look up. Draco frowned, concern replacing his insecurity. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.” Harry shook his head, ridding himself of the finger on his chin. “Just… No, it doesn’t matter.”

“Clearly it does, if it made you this upset.” The sharp look was back, but it seemed kinder somehow. Which just made Harry feel worse. Draco was being a bloody fantastic understanding boyfriend, and in return Harry couldn’t even give him the feeling he was wanted. He could barely even sleep with him, what kind of shit boyfriend couldn’t even do that?

“It’s really nothing. Or at least it’s nothing I can’t get over.” He resolutely put on his brave face, and leaned forward to kiss Draco. And it was going to be a heated kiss, because he _did_ want to be with Draco, not just with his hair. And once they got going, it couldn’t be too difficult to keep up the pretence, right?

But Draco stopped him before he could start pretending to have non-existent urges. “Harry, I’ve worn a mask half my life, I know when people are faking it. So please, if you’re not feeling it, _us_ , just say so. Don’t pretend.”

Harry’s eyes widened in shock. “I’m not pretending! I love this, _us_. That’s not it.”

“Then what is it? Because there’s _something_ , Harry. I’m not blind, I can see there’s something off.”

Harry sighed, and slumped against the couch cushions. He really had to have this conversation, didn’t he? He was a rubbish liar, and even if he’d been any good, Draco would probably still see through it. Besides, it didn’t exactly feel good to be lying to his boyfriend.

He took a deep breath, averted his eyes down, and began to speak. “I… I touch your hair more than you because it doesn’t feel like foreplay. I don’t know why, but I just don’t feel like having sex a lot. And it’s not that I don’t think you’re attractive!”

His head snapped up so Draco could see the sincerity in his eyes. “But I’ve never felt that with anyone. It’s not that I’m repulsed by the idea, and I do feel like it sometimes, but… Well, not an awful lot, as you’ve probably noticed.”

“I have.” Draco climbed out of his lap and looked at him from a distance. An awful feeling settled in the pit of Harry’s stomach. This was the moment, right? The moment Draco would break up with him. “But…”

And for what was possibly the first time since they’d gotten together, Draco was at a loss for words. Only for a moment though. Soon enough the colour drained from his face, his grey eyes widened in shock, and his lips were moving again.

“That’s-, That’s not _at all_ what I meant when I was talking about touching me. I just meant something like,” Draco swallowed and the colour quickly returned to his face in the shape of a fierce blush. And now it was his turn to look down at his lap. “Something like cuddling.”

“Oh.” Harry frowned. This wasn’t going like expected, and he felt quite lost because of it, torn between anxiety and hope. “So, you don’t have a problem with my non-existent sex drive?”

“No. I sort of guessed about that a while ago, and I really couldn’t care less.” Draco met his eye, still looking flustered and a tad nervous. But he also looked very sincere, which send such a flood of relief through Harry that he started laughing. Soon enough Draco chuckled along with him. “We probably should have talked about this sooner, right?”

“Probably.” Harry grinned and launched himself at Draco. He cupped his sharp cheeks and kissed him. It was a closed-lipped kiss, but that didn’t make it any less passionate. “But we’re not exactly the world’s best functioning humans, I suppose.”

“Not really.” Draco chuckled against his lips, but then grew serious. “You know a lack of sex drive isn’t a functioning problem right? I mean, there are _plenty_ of things wrong with you,” Draco gave him a light shove and the spark of joy in his eyes made Harry fall just a little bit more in love with him. “But I need you to know that not wanting to have sex is not one of them.”

“I know, you git.” Harry shoved Draco back, while at the same time looking at him with eyes full of gratitude. Because really, he _hadn’t_ known. Had feared that there was something wrong with him. He still did, even now. But if Draco didn’t mind them why would he? He wasn’t planning to break up with the Slytherin any time soon, so even if being okay with this was just his quirk, then it was still not a problem.

“Now, about _cuddling_ you,” Harry snickered at the way Draco blushed when he said that. It really made the Slytherin ice prince look quite adorable. He resettled himself on top of Draco and pulled them closer together. “I can _definitely_ do that.”

“You can?” Draco raised an eyebrow, shooting him a challenging look. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

“Well you better.” And Harry pushed Draco back onto the couch, ready to attach himself to the man like a baby koala, before he got a better idea. “Wait here.”

“Wha-, Harry!” Draco sputtered as he jumped to his feet and ran off. He quickly headed for the bedroom, sinking to his knees in front of one of the drawers. Somewhere in there he must have… Yes! There!

He dived in and came out victorious, a large, thick, fluffy blanket in his arms. He’d bought it for the sole reason that he might one day be able to crawl under it with a boy- or girlfriend. That had been years ago though, and he’d almost forgotten about it.

“Here we are.” Harry draped the blanket around his shoulders like a cape and strode towards Draco, who laughed at the sight.

“You know just because you’re wearing a blanket cape does not mean you’re royal plural, Harry.” Draco was back again with the sharp look, but his eyes betrayed him; They were positively shining with joy.

“Well, we disagree.” Harry replied in the best imitation of Draco’s posh voice. That earned him a glare and a pillow thrown at his head, but he rather thought that was a price he was willing to pay.

“You’re a disaster.” Draco rolled his eyes, and got up from the couch just as Harry sat down to nestle next to him. For a moment his anxiety flared up. Just because Draco was okay with not having sex, didn’t mean he wanted to hide under fluffy blankets.

But he needn't have worried. Soon enough Draco janked the blanket away from Harry, promptly sat down in his lap, and draped the thing around the both of them. “And I love you for it.”

Harry’s face was already grinning like a loon before his mind had processed Draco’s words. He _loved_ him. Draco knew about his nightmares, his therapist, his lack of sex-drive and his terrible mood in the morning, but he still loved him. And that was pretty fucking amazing.

“I love you too, Draco.” He forced his massive grin to shrink a bit so he could pull Draco in for a kiss. Automatically his hands went up to Draco’s hair, until he remembered how this whole thing had started. Quickly, he pulled them away again. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I don’t mind you touching my hair.” And as a way to prove it, Draco swung it over his shoulder and let it brush over Harry’s hands. “I just don’t want you to _only_ touch my hair. You’re my boyfriend, not my hairdresser.”

Harry snorted. “I’d make a terrible hairdresser.”

“Probably, yes.” Draco chuckled along with him. “But maybe if I teach you how to braid it, you can do that?”

“I think I could.” Harry replied, barely noticing that his fingers had started stroking Draco’s hair again. It had become a habit now. “Or I can try, at the very least.”

“Good.” Draco pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek, and settled against his chest. They sat there in comfortable silence for a while, until…

“You’re really okay with it then? Not having sex?” Harry couldn’t help but ask. He’d spend so long convincing himself that it would be a dealbreaker, that he had a hard time believing Draco was okay with it. Maybe he hadn’t understood him right, or-

“Yes, Harry. I’m really okay with it. I would never do something you don’t want me to.” Draco twisted in his lap so they were facing each other. “Besides, I like this better anyway.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“No I’m not.” Draco relaxed against him again and pulled his arms around himself. “As a way of being intimate with someone I love, I actually prefer spooning. I can have sex on my own, but I can’t spoon myself now, can I?”

Harry snorted as he pictured a dog-chasing-tail-like scene in his mind. “Yeah, spooning yourself does indeed sound like a bit of a challenge.”

“So, believe me now, _Potter_?” Draco gave him a challenging look for the second time that night. Their faces so close together their foreheads touched.

“I do, _Malfoy_.” And Harry pressed their lips together. He didn’t do anything more than that, but he didn’t have to. This, hugging, and later in bed spooning, was their way of being intimate. It was how they could show affection and be happy, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Not a single thing in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> I am myself not ace, but as I waste half my life on tumblr I do know quite a bit about it. Still it could be that I portayed it wrong, in which case please forgive me. 
> 
> Also I just want to say that I do know for a fact that there are different kinds of being ace, like being completly sex-repulsed, or just having such a low sex drive it almost isn’t there (like Harry’s is in this one). 
> 
> And of course all these types are equally valid, and if you were disappointed that I did not write about your kind of ace, then please shoot me an ask on tumblr (@rose-grangerweasleyisbae) explaining what you’d like me to write next time I write an ace character, and I might write it if I have the time!
> 
> Right. I’ll shut up now. Hope you enjoyed<3 Please leave a comment if you did!


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